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CEO on a rampage

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!

The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

Driving Lesson

I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver's permit.
"Oh," she said, "I already know everything in the book."
"You do?" I returned.
"Yep", she said, very smugly.
I thought, "OK, we'll just see about that. I'll give her a hard one."
So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"
"One," she replied.
"What?" I asked. "One?!"
She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added. . .
"Only one, Mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."

The Mean Panda

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.
All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot at the waiter, but missed.
The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just tried shooting my friend!!!"
The panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"
"Why yes," the barman answered. "You're a panda."
"Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.
The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted, so he went home to find his dictionary.
After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:
PANDA:1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.

Crossing The River

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "Lord, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! Lord gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "Lord, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river." Poof! Lord gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "Lord, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross this river." Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

Bottle of Wine

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine...got it for my husband." The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."

Big Brothers

why are big brothers so mean. they are no good at all. they only things they do are smell bad hog the computer and eat all the food in the house. their is really no point in having big brothers. but to be completely honest i couldn't live without mine

i wonder how jelly beans are made like are the made of jelly or are the just called jelly beans because it sounds cool? while i'm talking about jelly beans does any 1 acutally like the black jelly beans?

late for school

i woke up in the moring and i looked at my alarm clock and the time was 7:10 or something i needed to be at school by 8 and i thought 2 minutes won't hurt so i closed my eyes for a couple of mins an when i opended them again the time had gone from 7:10 to 7:40 and i was just like omg wat am i going to do my mum had already left for work and i didn't have time to make lunch so i had to use my own money to by lunch. i guess 2 minutes in the morning really does hurt lol

3D glasses

the new 3D glasses are so cool i am so going to wearthem to school everyday not the red and blue ones the new one that look really geeky but are awesome anyway

rose bushes

OMG i love putting the thorn thingys from the rose bushes on my nose they are so cool and the just stick there the are soo minto jackson lol

Friends

just want to say hi to all my awesome friends:
georgie i miss you
amy ur awesome
harry haven't seen you in a while
Jaime my pen pal
Bailey ur a bum but ur still my friend
David my coolest guy friend
Josh awesome at doing the worm
Ryan the mintest dancer ever
Westburn people umm hi
The rest of room 19 you guys are awesome luv u all
Camron, Dean, Matthew my other awesome friends from cobham
and last but not least kira you'll always be my best friend from when we became friends by being spelling buddies lol see ya round

all the rest of my friends you guys rock and i hope to see u all soon

Amy Grant

Amy is awesome even tho she makes me angry she is still my best friend and if i ever say i hate her i never really mean it so for now and for future amy i'm sorry.

My Theme Song

Me and my friends all have theme songs with the same tune. My theme song goes like this.

My name is parris T. I have a key. To get in my big house. Whopee. I like pie. And thats no lie. And thats the story of Parris T.

You should try making your own song and then post it as a comment on this blog. ttyl

23 Ways To Annoy People In A Lift

1)CRACK open your bag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough airin there?”
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without gettingoff.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call youAdmiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: “You’reone of THEM” – and back away slowly.
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY “I wonder what all these do?” And push all the buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when someone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: “I havenew socks on.”
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: “Is that your beeper?”
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the otherpassengers: “This is my personal space.”
14) WHEN there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on theshoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go backfor more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say “Hi Greg, How’s your day been?”
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, thenscream: “That’s mine!”
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures andexits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don’t exist.
22) CALL out “Group hug” then enforce it
.23) When the lift is going down scream “we’re gonna die”

So guys thats 23 ways to annoy people in an elavator
if any1 has the guts to do any of these please post a comment and say how it went

Scary Clown

what a scary clown. scary clown has to be my fav word ever. i use it all the time from when i'm about to be hit by a ball or i trip over or i see a big fat lady walking down the street with only her togs on (ewww) (scary clown) scary clown is such an awesome word you can use it for anything (even when ur mum cooks up a pot of vegetarian slice) just don't let her hear lol :) so as u can see scary clown is an awesome word and u should like use it cos it's like awesome and yea . .......

i still find the mc donalds clown to be very scary

Amy Grant

Amy Grant is my best friend ever. she has a great personality and can always make me laugh. even when i'm angry at her. whenever i get angry at her she sings to me my name is Amy G my face is made of pee my best friend parris is angry at me. i always have to forgive her after that or she'll go do something stupid and embaress herself lol. Amy is always hypo she has heaps of great friends (including me) and she is scared of penut butter lol what a strange friend. i no i can always count on amy to cheer me up and thats why shes my best friend